In which I make five predictions for the upcoming series between England and New Zealand, that will probably be woefully wrong, but if they are right then I’ll brag about it for months.
1) England will win 1-0. They will struggle with rain and some Kiwi obstinance in one of the games, but in the other will rack up a huge first innings score and blow the Black Caps away with the ball.
2) Boult will be top wicket taker in the series for New Zealand. He has become more and more useful as a bowler, and is potentially the best bowling prospect in the country. (I know, even with Tim Southee, yes.) He was in commanding form by the final test of the last series, and has bowled reasonably well in the warmups. Look for him to keep calm and carry on in England.
3) Commentary and analysis will focus on the Ashes. Lets face it, New Zealand are the fluffers of the English summer. The token New Zealand commentators will desperately try and talk up the series, but really, what Englander would care about this particular set antipodean tourists?
4) Crowds will be small, the death of test cricket will be discussed. See above for why crowds will be small.
5) In two weeks time, I will know how to speak basic Hindi. As I am one of the many who don’t have access to Sky TV, I’ll be watching these games on illegal Indian streaming websites. The ads, good god, the ads they play.